snccharlotte's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I want to move out. Everytime I think I've finally figured everything out....everytime I've decided that's it...no one's going to stop me.....my parents jump in and scare me away from wanting to do it. I hate my parents for making me a scared insecure person. I have no confidence in myself because the constant phrase my parents use is "you can't". It's always been this way. Ever since I was a little girl. I can't do anything on my own! I always have to make sure that my parents approve, that my parents are happy, that I'm making sure my parents are getting what they want for me. JESUS CHRIST WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT?! WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING HAPPINESS?! DOES IT NOT MATTER TO ANYONE?! All I wanted to do was just move out and get an apartment with Jim. Just so we can have a home and call it our own. So we can have our lives and do things the way we want to do them. Yeah it would be hard but what the fuck in life isn't hard?! With every situation we're given, there's difficulty, but life is about working through your problems, learning from your mistakes, and yes even making mistakes once in a while is okay! Why does my life have to be written for me, and why does my life have to be fucking picture perfect?! Why does my life have to be settled and steady before I can even live it?! WHO SAID THAT SETTLED AND STEADY WAS BETTER ANYWAYS?! So if I don't finish school, I won't have the best job out there. I won't make the best money, and I won't have the best house money can buy. But if I'm happy, if I have love around me, if I wake up every morning and thank the Lord for everything I have been given.....if I can be thankful for even the smallest most insignificant moment in my life.....then my life has meaning. My life is successful. No one else has the right to say that my life is not a happy one. Money is not everything. You can have the best education, the best job, and still miss out on the real meaning of life.... Why can't I just live my life the way I want to?? 1:19 p.m. - 2004-10-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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