snccharlotte's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Push My Fingers Into My Eyes Of course when I want to update, the stupid Diaryland servers don't want to let me in. My life has been very stressful lately. So many things going on, most of them not good. I just don't know how to react to anything anymore or how to deal with anything. My mom and dad have been fighting so much it's ridiculous. Dad's been treating Mom like shit....she even found another girl's phone number among his things. She's been going to therapy every week because she's so depressed all the time. Her therapist told her that her marriage was shit (true) and she should get a divorce. So my mom stopped going to her therapist because that's not what she wanted to hear. Even though the therapist is probably right. My mom makes so many damn excuses for my dad it's sickening. And then I'm thrown in the middle like a tool. I get to hear all about my mother being overdramatic and a psycho, and all about my father being an assbag. It just sucks. Jim is going through such a rough time too, and I've been trying my hardest to just be there for him. He takes it as I'm trying to put him down. I don't know. When it comes to Jim I just feel like I can't do anything right anymore. I try my hardest, but it just sucks the way we constantly fight. And yes, I do start a lot of the arguments, but I'm so worried about him and stressed about everything else, so I take it out on him. I feel bad for it, but I keep doing it. Then there's work. What a fucking nightmare that is. I hate that place. Absolutely hate it. I hate the fucking magazines, I hate the PRP bullshit, I hate the PSP, I HATE BEST BUY!!!!!! I hate the way I have to lie to people and trick them into buying shit they don't need so I can keep my job. It fucking sucks. I go home every night feeling guilty and horrible. I try my hardest to be a great employee and do everything these people ask of me. What do I get in return. "See ya tomorrow." Not even a thank you. It's like,"WAY TO GET AMBER TO NOT WANT TO DO SHIT EVER AGAIN!" Hopefully I'll find a new job soon. I saw Andrew the other day at Gamestop and he just looked at me like he didn't know me. That was funny. I was trying to keep from laughing because at the same time he was getting all nervous and trying to get me and my mom out of there as fast as possible. When we left the store my mom just looked at me and said,"My God! Amber what the hell did you ever see in that kid?!" I just laughed and told her I really don't remember. So that was the highlight of my week. Other than that things have been complete shit. Jim and I had a talk last night and we're really trying to work things out. We don't want to break ourselves up over stress. We need each other. So until the next update I guess....... 8:02 a.m. - 2004-09-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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